i'm not really interested in perfection

and a couple of films i watched this week

On Sunday night I watched a film called Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives. It’s a Thai film, set in the countryside, about a dying man who is being visited by the spirits of his relatives in his final days. It was really beautiful and surreal. There was a seemingly unrelated fairytale style segment in the middle where a princess gets fucked by a fish. It was a really good film, it was a bit ‘what just happened did I miss something’ but in a good way. The whole film set a magical tone, and it takes its time deliberately, has a really lovely calm spooky magical atmosphere

Then, a couple of days ago I went to see a documentary about the world porridge making championships held every year in a small village called Carr Bridge in Scotland called The Golden Spurtle. It followed the organisers in the run up to the competition, and contestants as they practiced their porridge recipes and their hopes and dreams for the competition, and then it got to the day of the contest and it was raining and the hall was full of people and some of the people said their porridge didn’t come out the way they planned and some absolutely shone. It was incredibly joyful and fun. I recommend both of these films.

I really wanted to record a cover of a song this weekend (for paid subscribers), but I couldn’t really figure out which one, so I’ll leave it for next week. Hit me with suggestions which I might ignore.

now at danamargolin.art/shop

But instead of recording a cover, I put 5 original paintings for sale on my website, you can email me if you have any questions about them or if there’s something you’re interested in that you’ve seen me post somewhere that isn’t on the website shop. I put these up because a few people have been in touch asking if they can buy some work. These ones are some that I am very fond of which I painted from 2020-2023.

this one is big

Recently I asked one of my friends when he was next going to post on substack and he said that he’s had a post in his drafts since January but it is not yet perfect. It made me think about perfection and process and what it really means for something to be ready to share, or how it feels to share something that maybe you wouldn’t want published in a book or released on a record, but that still feels worth sharing.

I think of substack as a blogging website and of a blog as an archive of what’s been going on, of what I’m thinking about and engaging with at the moment, a kind of mood board for broadly where I’m at, but it’s not too deep. I don’t want to share big things here, but I like having a place to chat shit with myself and share it. What I find satisfying is having a space where I write and share things that don’t matter. It’s a place for letting go of needing anything to be perfect. It’s better if I think about it less.

When PR were recording Clouds In The Sky… I learned a really helpful lesson. Think less. Stick with the magic of what happens in the moment and honour that, and it made a lot of sense to me. Essentially the idea is to keep things alive, prepare and draft and rehearse sure, be open to change and possibility whilst figuring out what something is, but once you get something down, commit to it, don’t re-do it and obsess over tiny imperfections. Roll with an idea and see it through and release it. Look at the thing as a snapshot of a moment in time and it will retain a personality, give you something to connect to in the performance that can’t really be explained, it will just feel right.

I’ll always remember making rice one day in the studio without a sieve, and whilst washing the rice in a saucepan in the sink realising the stupidity in trying to wash every grain of rice individually, when it’s a job easier done as a whole. You don’t need to wash every individual grain of rice. Do you get what I’m getting at? Let go of obsessing about the minutiae, let something be alive in the moment it is being put down somewhere, don’t go back and doubt and doubt and doubt. Trust the whole.

I am obsessed with the magic of process. There is a part of a process to obsess over details, to plan and make sense and try things a million ways, and then there’s a time to just do it and see what comes out. If you have an idea, let it show you what it is by starting knowing it might not come out right. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Everything has multiple versions of itself. Every version is just a snapshot in time. I try to apply this to everything. It adds risk, it makes me like the things I make better, take myself less seriously.

Sometimes people will tell me they wish they were a writer, but I always feel like that’s stupid, because either you write or you don’t. You allow something to come out or you don’t. Wishing isn’t part of it, you let go of the part that stops you because it isn’t perfect or you don’t know what it is yet because it does not matter.

Maybe that’s hard to do if you aren’t used to airing your insides. I remember the first time I tried to share anything just how terrifying it felt to be seen. When you are used to being an audience, it feels like everyone is watching you because you are watching them. But it turns out it doesn’t matter.

Do everything as if nobody cares and nobody is really looking and you’ll have fun, and you’ll find out a lot about yourself. Choose to share it or not after that, but don’t worry about it.

thanks and bye xx

p.s. porridge radio december farewell shows are nearly all sold out… still a few for london, bristol and glasgow - you can get tickets at porridgeradio.com